I seem to have lost it..........

What you may ask? The sense of calm acceptance about this whole situation. I have always known that we would go when and only when He has our child/ren ready for us. I have kept the faith that when the time is right, then we will go. Do we have a date? No, not as of this post.

I lost it when I found out that another couple who were registered in October and are requesting a boy under two or siblings under 5, have a date of March 28.

I lost it when I realized that we were registered in September and we are requsting the same as they are. They will be traveling next month.

I lost it when I realized that our letter could potentially be in circuit, over the sea now as I type this, on its way to our mailbox. We could potentially have an appointment date of next month.

I lost it when I realized that there is no way we will ever have the funds built up by then, if we have a date in March, or April, or May.......

I lost it. So, now I sit here panicking about what I need to do. I need to finish my quilt. It is almost done. I need to quit taking it apart and redoing it. I need to quit critisizing my work and just do it!! But, there is so much hope and heart in that quilt. I have personally touched every piece of it. It represents the hope and love that we have for a child or children that we have never seen. It represents the faith that we have that God has a chosen child or children for us. I truly do not think that I can put into words what it means.

So, now that I need to make a 'to do' list, I will now officially hit up anyone and everyone I can possibly see or think of to buy a raffle ticket for this quilt that I have made.

I will ask that every one take a moment to say a prayer for me to return to the calmness that I once had and have now seemed to have lost. Please pray also that our little one or ones stay happy and healthy until we meet.

God bless,
Kristi